'What a drag it is getting old...'

Being old is in the news, particularly in our political season where two likely candidates are squaring off for their respective party nominations... and both are already older than any other American president in history. It is politics, of course, but also a nasty dose of ageism combined with U.S. voters and pundits more interested in live performance than wisdom or leading an effective team.

Jimmy Kimmel has a bit where we watch President Biden carefully descend steps from Air Force One where Kimmel pretends to hold his breath and agonize over whether Joe will make it to the tarmac. We all laugh, even while feeling a bit guilty. It was only three years ago when we all laughed at video of Trump shuffling carefully down a ramp at West Point after delivering a speech. 

Can we accept that neither man is at his best at this point? 

The media is, as usual, not covering itself in glory by focusing on the latest Biden memory slip ups and his somewhat quiet delivery. Trump apparently gets a pass no matter what outlandish thing he comes up with, maybe due to him being able to declaim loudly. Let's face it, both men deserve criticism and neither SHOULD be running for president, but we are not a logical nation.

A large portion of the country seems to prefer loud and stupid (perhaps treasonous) to quiet and considered. Bottom line: we are a nation of morons, by and large, led by the shameless and cynical, obsessed with the show and with the constant need to be entertained.

Honestly, we don't deserve nice things. 

In my own old age news, I am about to launch into show week for "Beauty & the Beast" which opens next Thursday night. I play Maurice, Belle's slightly odd inventor father, so my white hair and wrinkled skin are perfect. I don't know if I ever was a whiz at memorization, but this show has been a challenge. It's not the volume of lines, but there are cues and timing... and I have only recently felt even marginally comfortable with those lines. Five rehearsals in the next five days may do the trick.

In a month, St. Luke's is bringing back a pair of Holy Week services that involve selected songs from "Jesus Christ, Superstar," which I memorized back in the early 1970s, and still can conjure up with no preparation. I played the part of Judas, my favorite character from that rock opera, in November of 2004, when I was 54 and already the oldest and whitest Judas ever. 

I wrote some narration for weaving the history and meaning of the musical into Maundy Thursday and Good Friday services in 2019, and assumed that would be it. Judas is very angry and very loud and sings very high... and there is some point when we just can't hit the "old notes." I did OK, but...

During the last week of March (Easter is March 31), I will be attempting to rock it at 73.8 years of age. My hope is that my voice is already sort of wrecked, so what damage can really be done? And I also hope that I have enough energy to sing the songs one time (not like a multi-performance run of a musical). 

BTW, my partner over the past nearly 20 years is Patrick, who turned 65 today. He plays Jesus and must summon even higher screams than Judas does... and needs to be lots more sympathetic. 

Just to pull it all together, he is playing the Beast in next week's show. 

Neither of us is as old as Biden or Trump, but I guess we aren't letting that stop us. Will we be as good as we were 20 years ago? Who knows? Perhaps the congregation will simply gaze in wonder ass two senior citizens attempt to sing those challenging songs. 

It's possible it will all go sour, as Judas sings in "Heaven on Their Minds," but I give us a decent chance of pulling it off.

That requires a tiny amount of faith, and so does voting for Joe Biden, despite his increasingly frail physical condition. 

I choose a guy who makes sense and who seems to genuinely care for people and for the country over a guy who only cares about himself and who has lost the ability to make cogent sentences. 

Yay, old people.

History. 'Herstory.' Whatever it is, it is incredible.

So, how does Caitlin Clark top last night? Between breaking the NCAA points scored record with a 35-foot three-pointer, Coach Bluder stopping the game a moment later with a timeout to let the team celebrate, the 49-point Iowa record total for a game, and then 15,000 fans hanging out after the game to cheer and scream and, maybe, shed some tears... well, it seemed like a "valedictory" moment.

A valedictory is a farewell address given by the student earning the highest grade point, to be technical. Caitlin's (may I call you Caitlin?) GPA -- measured in points and amazing moments -- is clearly the highest in her class, which spans an entire nation. 

Here's the thing about valedictories: they are given as part of high school or college graduation. They mark a transition (we are always careful to avoid speaking of "endings," and we call the event "commencement," as in commencing adulthood). But, pragmatically, those left behind are symbolically saying goodbye to the student speaking and her classmates. 

Kathleen and I agree that despite our joy in the incredible success of the Iowa women's basketball team, next year should see Caitlin move to the WNBA, to the Olympics, to a stage that may embrace much of the globe. Yes, the fans chanted "one more year!" over and over, but there is a rhythm to college sports, particularly for women, that feels right at four years and then onward. 

Of course, Covid screwed things up, and the NCAA decided that the 2020 season would not count against athletes' eligibility, so Caitlin could return for a fifth season. But to what end? 

Her best friend (Kate Martin) is already in her sixth year (injuries, red shirts, it all seems loosy-goosy), as is Gabby Marshall. Molly Davis, the tiny ball of energy who transferred to a bigger stage last year, is in her fifth season. Those three will be gone. 

Whatever happens in the Big Ten tournament and March Madness, there is a logic to Caitlin joining her three friends in a fond farewell to their University of Iowa years and charging into whatever futures await them. 

From all appearances, Caitlin's teammates love her and support her without limit. They are a close team and they like to talk about their circle being tight. 

But Bluder is bringing in a terrific recruiting class, and Sydney Affolter and Hanna Stuelke are ready to become all-conference in their own rights. By all means, let's take this season as far as we can... but nothing is guaranteed. 

Iowa upset South Carolina last April in the national semifinals, and that was the only game that incredible team has lost in two years... but it happened against all odds. LSU rode some unusual shooting from unheralded players to beat the Hawks a couple days later. You just never know what might happen, which is one reason we love sports.

Nebraska celebrated like it had won a national championship just a week ago in Lincoln after pulling an improbable upset over Iowa... and then promptly traveled to #2 Ohio State a few days later only to be blown out 80-47. Can you say "let down"? 

Perhaps the most incredible thing about Caitlin Clark is that she hardly ever "lets down," and perhaps we have become a bit jaded. Ah, another logo three. Oh, there's another 40-foot bounce pass for a layup. 

College fans often embrace a feeling of "ownership." Iowa is proud of one of its own. It's great to be a Hawkeye! But it's not like we really "own" athletes who don our school's colors.

Caitlin will always be a product of the state of Iowa, but I sense that she is ready for a wider stage and more challenges. I would guess that many WNBA veterans will be licking their chops at the opportunity to put this young upstart in her place... to shut her down... 

But my guess is that she will be fine. 

It should just be in WNBA arenas across the country.

Deja vu, all over again

The first "big" essay for my Metro class was due Tuesday night and the results were mixed. This should never be a surprise, particularly considering my long experience with student writing, but I clearly am not a quick study.

This essay is on a significant scene, with the goal being to recreate that scene, complete with characters and details, and to avoid TELLING readers something meant a lot and instead SHOWING the meaningful moment. 

Here's an example from my own writing, just yesterday, sharing some random memories with two of my brothers of being an altar boy in the later 1950s. Now, we could have settled for some vague commentary on how wacky the experience of helping the priest give communion at the alter rail, followed by "you are so right." But would that even come close to recapturing the moment?

My most superficial thought in remembering the job of altar boys to hold the patin beneath each recipient's chin, just in case the host did not make it to the tongue (and saving the consecrated host from falling to the floor), was well, to leave it there. BTW: those vague comments could be perfectly spelled, grammatically correct, with sophisticated diction and syntax... and still the narrative would be unsatisfying.

But here is what I ended up sharing, though not after a few edits and additions and clarifications:

I often boasted (likely to Mike) that I held the St. Thomas More record for most "saves," totalling three over a number of years at the altar. I did fantasize at times about how easy it would be to clip an Adam's apple with a quick wrist flick, and Mike is so right about how, well, gross the whole enterprise was. Monsignor Conway was quite dextrous with his dispensations of the host, but there was some other guy (the name escapes me) who was quite erratic. Sometimes he seemed to reach the wafer right to the back of a person's throat, taking advantage of a wide-open mouth. Other times he might hit the side of the mouth, but continue on, bending the host and cramming it in there. The "saves" tended to be the fault of the congregant who might withdraw his or her outstretched tongue prematurely, creating a limbo with the host neither grasped by the priest nor resting snugly on the tongue. I lived for those moments but they did add some stress to what should have been a routine gig. Of course, hosts DID occasionally fall to the floor, despite our best efforts, and they were considered grave errors by all. I often thought that each save of a consecrated host might pay off with some Purgatory waivers. I always assumed I would not be admitted to Heaven without some further penance, even when I was 8. That likely explains much about me.

Of course, exploring that combination of fear and hope that is so nicely captured by the concept of Purgatory (sort of a waiting room for Heaven, according to the nuns, where things would be OK compared with Hell but always frustrating... until the eventual invitation to enter the pearly gates would arrive) would take much more thought and exploration. But that little scrap of memory at least recreates a sense of a scene that has significance to me. 

I was looking for a few more things from that first essay, though exploring a specific scene was the key to success. A few students submitted the entire essay in ONE paragraph, and my response was to insert a zero in the grade (to grab their attention) and then suggest that they submit a second draft. I even suggested specific places where the shift in scene, speaker, or voice should be a new graf. Others clearly could not be bothered to right click on typos, which continues to surprise me after all these years.

After all, the university provides a free Microsoft Word license to all students and the built-in artificial intelligence comes as a default setting. I often wonder about how much some students hate the idea of writing... they can't even be bothered to right click on the underlined word or phrase and choose the "solution" to the problem. 

The most common problem grew from students simply not following their own internal logic and adding some sort of example. 

The good news for the students (maybe)? They all have a chance to submit a second draft NLT Sunday night and I will replace their original grade (if things improve at all). The potential benefit for me? Future assignments may be less error-filled, allowing me to respond more about their content and use of rhetoric. Hey, it's win-win.

Nuttiness so crazy that laughter is the only response

"Never underestimate the stupidity of people in large groups."
                                                                                            - George Carlin

Hearing about some nutcases who seem deep into a complex plot to sway an election through the entire National Football League plus a world-famous pop star plus her tight end boyfriend... and a dramatic endorsement of a candidate at halftime of the Super Bowl... well, let's just say it's about as over the top as I could imagine.

But there we are. The good news (and I know I'm supposed to be looking for the positives in 2024) is that the entire fantasy will end on Feb. 11... when nothing at all happens at the Super Bowl other than a mind-numbing parade of commercials and what normally is not a very close game.

There could be some dramatic pronouncement at halftime, but I have nickel bet that it won't.

I do hope there are some terrific commercials and that the game comes down to a final play... though I don't really care much about who wins. There are former Hawkeyes on both teams, which feels like a personal connection, though it contains its own fantasy elements. After all, I never saw any of those ex-Hawks play in person while they were at Iowa and don't know much about them.

A selfish reason to hope for some excellent commercials is that I want to incorporate some of them into my Metro State Composing Argument course. After all, a commercial is an argument, either pushing us to spend or to vote or to act in some way, and Super Bowl commercials tend to appeal to a broad audience (with over 100 million watching worldwide).

Students tend to enjoy first watching a quick video and then analyzing HOW the commercial made its case. It's a nice way to "trick" people into doing some rhetorical analysis and I am not above using whatever tactics I can find to nudge my students in that direction.

Of course, it is only occasionally that the "learner" takes the rhetorical strategy to heart and incorporates it into an upcoming essay. But when that does happen it provides just enough motivation for the often-frustrated professor to try again, to create more such opportunities.

Plus, there is the comfort found in simply trying to raise the rhetorical level of students who may spend hours a day scrolling TikTok (which, of course, possesses its own rhetorical strategies). Were I younger and hipper I would certainly find some way to add TikToks to my inventory of rhetorical models... but that seems exhausting to me now. If I were back in a high school classroom? Oh, yes. 

Firing up some TikToks would cement my position of fun teacher who is tied into the zeitgeist. 

But then I would likely ruin it all by insisting that those students use spell check and complete sentences. 

"Oh, Mr. Kennedy. You're so last century."

Someone who is definitely not last century is Taylor Swift, who is a global phenomenon. She is idolized by millions, and she is #1 among a magical run of famous and talented young women who dominate their fields.

Iowa basketball player Caitlin Clark is one of those incredible young women, adored by many though not across the globe (yet). She is just 22, with so much basketball ahead of her, but she seems to transcend the sport much as Ms. Swift transcends music. 

But I read that Caitlin ("may I call you Caitlin?") may get squeezed out of the 2024 Women's Olympics team due to sheer numbers, returning starters, etc. 

It will be tough for a coach to deny America and the world such a dynamic player on a world stage. In the same way, it is a lock that Ms. Swift will be in Vegas on Feb. 11 for the Super Bowl after flying from Tokyo after a concert and that millions will be thrilled to catch a glimpse of her in a luxury box during the broadcast. 

The biggest thrill for me, however, will be when she rushes onto the field and grabs the microphone from Usher and commands the world to vote for Joe Biden. I just hope someone nudges Mr. Biden awake for that moment.