Poor writing plus questionable advising equals a sad situation

In local publishing controversies, the above opinion article, published in the Regis Jesuit HS "Elevate" magazine in December, led to retraction of the commentary, the firing of two full-time teachers (the adviser and assistant adviser of the publication), embarrassment for the author (I have removed her name), and incredible pressure on school administrators from the Archdiocese of Denver.

As is often the case, everything about this situation is complicated -- and few will ever know all the details and context that produced the controversy.

But let's start with the content of the writing, and an observation about the headline. The word "out" should be "our" and that is a simple typo. But the credibility of the magazine is immediately damaged when the largest type on the page was not properly proofread. An irony of proofreading is that headlines are often assumed to be correct -- after all, they are so large and someone likely typed them directly into InDesign.

A "forest for the trees" situation.

The subhead (or deck) is puzzling. Who is "confronting" and did the author really mean "reconciling" or "balancing" or something else that might be looking for some common ground?

Persuasive writing is best when there is a clear answer to "why am I reading this right now?" and the lead to this article doesn't provide anything timely as an answer. THAT should have prompted a conversation between editor or adviser and the writer in hopes of sharpening the argument. 

The last sentence of the opening graf is "Abortions aren't uncommon. Up to 1 in 8 women get an abortion in the U.S." But the opening sentence of graf 3 states: "By the age of 45, up to 35 percent of women in the U.S. have had an abortion." A reader could be forgiven for being confused. I certainly am. 

These two figures do NOT add up, with the two statistics, neither of which is attributed to any solid source, widely different. That makes readers wonder what else in the essay might be nonsense or poorly thought out, or poorly researched

The second graf is the one that struck me as potentially the beginning of a moving human story about choice and lack of choice and how one woman struggled with childbearing decisions. You can read it yourself, but notice that the first sentence is missing any sort of explanation or follow up. Was the writer claiming that she knows someone who chose an abortion before giving birth to two children? 

In my next post I hope to grapple with the more global questions this commentary raises, particularly about how ethics, the law, audience, and "community interest" intertwine. And on Wednesday I plan to explore what makes a good informal essay, or personal commentary.

But one way to sum up the entire situation is as a mess for all involved.