'Men to the rescue' often is unhelpful and even damaging

It was not a great joke and likely was not planned in advance, but the reaction of Will Smith slapping Chris Rock to, ostensibly, defend Jada Pinkett Smith's honor certainly was the sort of "live TV" moment that most award shows envy.

Professional comedians must have cringed as Will Smith simply going back to his seat without any repercussions for what, had it happened on a street, might have led to assault charges. Good for Chris Rock, BTW, for not pressing any charges. Ironically, he went from (perhaps) unintended boor to "the bigger man" in just moments.

I don't know much about Will Smith's wife but apparently she is open about her alopecia (and her choice to stop struggling with hair loss and simply cut it very short) but I also assume that Chris Rock had not heard or read about her medical condition. Even the most provocative comedians pull back from openly mocking people with an illness beyond their control.

Will Smith initially laughed at the joke, before looking over at his wife and realizing she was NOT happy. That prompted his irrational and over-the-top physical reaction, followed by loud and vulgar threats. It was all bleeped by the network but you can find the unfiltered version easily online.

I see that many in attendance rallied to Mr. Smith's defense, even praising his macho-adjacent actions and congratulating him for those, perhaps even more than for the Best Actor award he won minutes later.

It's all too bad and certainly must be causing a lot of conversations across the country as parents and teachers must reinforce society's hopes that we all find ways to avoid physical violence when we encounter insults or other discourteous behavior. 

I have already heard some women claim they would be quite pleased to have their husband deck somebody defending them. We have not gotten past the allure of the knight in shining armor image, coming to the helpful damsel's defense. 

Now, if Ms. Smith had marched up to the stage and slapped Mr. Rock, that would have been a striking (sorry!) statement of female empowerment.

What we got, unfortunately, was another example of a male "pissing contest" leading to, well, nothing.

Will Smith later appeared to not quite believe he had lost control on national TV and gave most of his award acceptance speech in tears. He also claimed that he had lately found his purpose, namely to spread love in the world.

Um... slapping a guy indicates that he has lots of work to do in fulfilling that purpose. 

This incident will fade in a few hours, replaced by some new indignity or outrage, but isn't the Russian invasion of Ukraine just another male pissing contest? One old guy, calling upon his pride and diminishing testosterone, "slaps" a rival country. Another old guy, our president, goes off script for a moment and mistakenly says out loud what everyone else is thinking: Putin cannot continue to lead Russia.

But it's poor diplomacy and unhelpful for all those Ukrainians being bombed and kidnapped and murdered as their homes are destroyed and hundreds of hospitals, schools, and churches are demolished.

If "role models" lose their cool, I'm not sure why we would expect a sophomore boy who has been bullied or teased to "turn the other cheek," or find alternatives other than fighting (or shooting). 

I would bet Will Smith and Joe Biden both wish they had chosen another option, but it's too late now. If we expect 16-year-olds to "act right," no matter the situation, we certainly can expect leaders to act right.

Can't we?