More analytical readings of great paragraphs

You really should consider subscribing to Frank Bruni's weekly blog, as there are so many great examples and insights and links each time. Here are just three from this week's "For the love of sentences" section. In an essay in The Atlantic, Clint Smith pondered sending his soon-to-be kindergartener off to school in these blood-soaked times:

 

I picked up my phone and began scrolling through photos of my son from the day he was born, almost five years ago, his pink-brown body awash with wrinkles and wonder. I kept scrolling and saw photographs of him in the crib where he slept (and too often did not sleep); photographs of him chasing a flock of birds in the park, his arms raised as he toddled toward them with breathtaking inelegance; photographs of him after he had applesauce for the first time, his eyes gleaming, his smile as wide as the sky, his lips covered in a chaos of golden mush.

There are two sentences in this graf, not one, but that second one is an example of control of language that students can benefit from studying. First, it's 72 words, which most would consider tough for both writers and readers, but there is a clear structure, with three connected parts, marked by semicolons. 

Repetition of  "photographs" keeps readers anchored on the visual anchor of the sentence: the five-year-old photos on his phone, but there are parentheticals inserted as part of each section, one in parentheses and the others set off by commas. 

An "over-packed" sentence like this connotes to the reader that the writer is so overwhelmed with many memories and emotions that there is little time to take a breath or slow down. Everything is washing over the writer and the sentence reflects that. 

BTW: this sort of complex syntax may not be for those who are still hazy on simple sentences, but if we want to expand our students' range of syntax choices, creating an assignment that forces them to duplicate the basic structure, but with their own series of observations, can open up some options for them. I would argue that a fair measure of how sophisticated a student's thinking and writing is can be gauged by their ability to control this sort of complex sentence.

Humor in an obituary may be considered questionable, but most of us have experienced occasions where funerals or wakes have supported all sorts of funny stories and huge laughs from those attending. In the case of someone who passes away at age 96, there is less a sense of tragedy than celebration.

From The New York Times, in the final sentence of an obituary for the “pickle mogul” Robert Vlasic, Clay Risen wrote this about Vlasic’s philanthropic activity: “It was, his son said, the sort of work he relished.” 

To place that pun at the very end of the obit elevates that sense of fun and appreciation. It's the last word, so to speak. That is a good model to remind students that word order (another part of syntax) can create different takeaways, different emotions.

We saw "Top Gun: Maverick" last week, as did millions of others. Washington Post columnist Kathleen Parker recalled the time she met Tom Cruise at the White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner in 2006: 

Taking my hand in his, he hit the high beams on those piercing, blue-green eyes, singeing my eyeballs with — I’m certain of it — the recognition that he had finally found his one true love. I have no idea what he said. Then he was off to charm his next victim, and the next. That’s star power.

Many critics are describing Cruise as our last true movie star, and this quick description explores how that might come about. It is difficult to describe magnetism... most of us tend to just "tell" about feeling drawn to something or someone. 

But there the writer attempts to replicate a moment from six years ago and focuses on the effect of Cruise's eyes... and the feeling that, for a moment, they were separate from the rest of the world. 

There is a mishmash of images in that first sentence, from a automobile headlight metaphor to metaphorical burning of her own eyes... followed by the self-deprecating and fleeting idea that there was something special there. 

I would again point out to students the effect of that sudden and very short final sentence: "That's star power." A writer's trick is to look for ways to make our most important points in shorter sentences. 

It's about the rhythm.