Yesterday I heard a TV news reporter covering parental concerns about homeless encampments near an elementary school and parent protests say, "Several parents mentioned worrying about their kids being forced to walk by people using the restroom outside."
Good Lord! I know we wouldn't want to offend anyone's delicate sensibilities and I am certainly aware that Americans are inclined to scream and moan about almost anything that could be remotely offensive, but the outdoors is not a "restroom" for humans.
It is for dogs, of course, which is why I see so many of my neighbors dutifully waiting for Fido to "do his business" before stooping over the steaming shit and scooping it into a specially made plastic bag. Then the bag is deposited in stations that are mere feet away from our community mailboxes. Maybe that's why emptying the junk mail each day is such an ordeal in hot weather.
I'm not sure when we become quite so fastidious when referring to bodily functions, but we can't count it as true progress to yell at young children who use words like "piss" to indicate urination. We prefer "pee," which seems to pass verbal muster for almost anyone.
Chaucer was not so timid. I vividly recall reading the Miller's Tale in The Canterbury Tales, with lines like "This Nicholas was risen for to pisse..." and blushing at the naughtiness of it all. Of course, it didn't help that a nun was leading the class (but not reading aloud in Middle English).
I was also thinking that the TV reporter would have done everyone a favor by specifying #1 or #2... when did we institute a numbering system? At any rate, there seems a qualitative difference between pissing against a tree and defecating. Inquiring TV viewers want to know!
There's an entire industry devoted to pooping and peeing... and heaven forbid that we don't choose discretion when indulging in either activity. Architects must consider proximity and ease of access in placing bathrooms (where we don't bathe) in buildings. We have laws covering all this, based, one assumes on studies of how many toilets or troughs or holes in the ground are needed per hundred people.
We must draw the line somewhere, I suppose, since we continue to see people lined up (often discretely hopping in place) during intermission at a Broadway show. And we have not yet come up with how to equalize access for males and females.
We certainly don't want the genders mixing in one bathroom, except in our homes, where all bets are off. We even have culture war battles over proper distribution of genitalia in determining which bathroom is legal or allowed in schools, particularly.
After all, who knows what funny business can result when opposite genders gather in close proximity to defecate? Sex is practically inevitable in such situations, at least according to some of our more wacky fellow citizens.
Chaucer, I would guess, might have urged that TV reporter to go with "piss and shit" in her report. A Latin scholar such as myself might suggest "urinate and defecate."
I'm fairly certain the kids would just giggle and point and speed up their walk a bit on their way to being afflicted by uptight adults waiting for them in school or at home.
It would be nice, however, to encounter an outdoor restroom when I am in desperate need. My bladder warranty is wearing out.
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